Question: My son is named for his paternal grandmother and maternal great-grandmother who predeceased him. Tragically, our son passed away at 18 due to illness this past Fall. I had a very vivid dream last night (it’s been a difficult week as it’s been 9 months since he died) where the grandmother for whom he was named contacted me (in the dream) to let me know that my son (her namesake) had made it to heaven, was surrounded by family and was alright. My question is whether or not there is anything in any of the literature about the connection between the living and those deceased for whom they are named? I almost “felt” as if this grandmother was acting as a spiritual “guide” of sorts to our son—that it was her “obligation” to do so. Thank you for your time.

Answer: Hello, I have to admit that I have no direct expertise in these things – my focus in Torah study has always been more practical and “rational”, but I can certainly relate to you what I’ve heard from reliable sources. The Talmud itself states that a baby’s given name carries significance (tradition actually teaches that Jewish parents are given a kind of subtle Divine inspiration in choosing their child’s name). It is for this reason that we avoid naming children after criminals and the like as there can indeed be a connection between two.

In fact, years ago I saw quoted from the writings of Rabbi Moshe Sofer (known as the Chasam Sofer) that a child receives some “sparks” from the soul of the person he’s named after. I must add that I really have no idea what this could mean, but my lack of understanding doesn’t change the facts. There would clearly seem to be a significant connection.

Could that connection allow an ancestor to “guide” their namesake? While I can’t say one way or the other with certainty, I don’t think your suggestion is without merit and it wouldn’t surprise me in the least to be told that it could happen. Perhaps you could even strengthen this connection by taking some outstanding moral quality that your grandmother exemplified and working to incorporate it into your own life.

So I think that you are certainly justified in taking comfort from what you see in your dreams. And while I know that the pain of your loss will never disappear, I do anticipate that you will gain something positive from the spiritual growth that your son is inspiring. (I actually have good friends who lost their oldest son in a tragic car accident. Right after the end of their Shiva week, they traveled to visit the home of the driver of the car – who had apparently fallen asleep at the wheel – to comfort him and encourage him to re-engage with life in spite of his guilt. Great personal loss has the potential to inspire very great nobility of spirit!)

With my hopes that you be comforted among all Jewish mourners,
Rabbi Boruch Clinton