Question: What happens at a Jewish wedding?

Answer: Thank you for sending us your question. Here’s a guide designed to be distributed at a Wedding inserting the names of the Bride and Groom. [It is written by Dr. Elliot Shimoff, of Blessed Memory, and full permission is granted to distribute copies of this at a wedding, inserting the appropriate names of the Bride and Groom, as long as you credit it to the author. – Ed.]

Dear Friends,

We have prepared this synopsis of the wedding ceremony to address some of the questions you might have about the customs and ceremonies you will see today. We look forward to sharing this joyous experience with you and hope you find the occasion a memorable one.

Greetings:

The traditional greeting-”Mazal Tov!” (Good Luck)—is extended to all guests, both relatives and friends, since all are participating in the joyous event..

Before the Wedding:

[Bride’s Name] and [Groom’s Name] have not seen each other during the week before their wedding day. The bride and groom observe the wedding day solemnly with fasting and recitation of special prayers, since it is considered a “personal” Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement), enabling them to begin their married life free from the taint of sin-a fresh slate, as it were. However, being that [Groom’s Name] and [Bride’s Name]’s wedding date happens to coincide with Rosh Chodesh, a holiday marking the first day of the new Jewish month, the custom of fasting is set aside.

The Reception:

[Bride’s Name] is seated on a bridal chair where she is greeted by friends and family members. In an adjacent room, [Groom’s Name] and his friends meet in a festive atmosphere of food and singing. He may attempt to deliver a scholarly lecture on some pertinent issue in Jewish law, but if so, custom dictates that he be interrupted by his friends’ singing (this custom may have been introduced to spare from embarrassment grooms whose level of scholarship is not up to the challenge!) Feel free to come over to greet [Groom’s Name] and [Bride’s Name] and wish them Mazal Tov!

Tena’im-The Engagement:

Engagement in Jewish law is more than just an expression of intent to marry, but carries considerable legal and social significance. The official engagement takes place at the groom’s table, with the signing of a contract called “Tena’im,” which creates the Jewish legal status of “engaged.” The honor of reading the contract (written in Aramaic) may be given to a prominent rabbi or a close friend. Then, the mothers of the bride and groom break a china plate, signifying the completion of the engagement agreement.

The Kesubah-Marriage Contract:

The kesubah may be a simple printed document or written in calligraphy and elaborately decorated. Much of the Aramaic text is over 2,000 years old, and its present form was fixed in the eighth or ninth century. The kesubah formalizes [Groom’s Name]’s commitment to protect and care for [Bride’s Name]. Two of [Groom’s Name]’s close friends or teachers sign the kesubah (in Hebrew) as formal witnesses to this commitment.

Badeking-Veiling the Bride

[Groom’s Name], escorted by his and [Bride’s Name]’s fathers to the accompaniment of dancing and singing, is brought to [Bride’s Name], where he places the veil over her face. The roots of this custom date back at least 600 years and are based on Talmudic sources. The ceremony may signify modesty, or the husband’s obligation (defined in the kesubah) to clothe his wife, or perhaps a symbolic confirmation of the bride’s identity. [Groom’s Name] and [Bride’s Name] are then blessed by their fathers. [Groom’s Name] and his friends exit, singing and dancing, to prepare for the ceremony.

Chuppah-The Marriage Ceremony

The marriage ceremony is a combination of symbolic, traditional, and formally binding legal acts. The marriage canopy symbolizes both the Divine Presence and the home that the husband and wife will create together.

Escorting the Bride and Groom:

The bride and groom are each escorted separately to the chuppah by their parents, who carry candles to light the way. [Groom’s Name] dons a kittel, the white robe traditionally worn on the High Holy Days. To highlight the dominant role of the wedding ring, no other jewelry is worn by the bride and groom under the Chuppah.

Seven Circles:

The bride circles the groom seven times, symbolically making him the center of her life. The mothers of the bride and groom follow, symbolizing the integral role of the family in that life.

The Betrothal and the Seven Blessings:

A total of nine blessings are recited under the chuppah. The first two, one over the wine and the second solemnifying the betrothal-comprise the first part of the ceremony. Next, two witnesses are called. They examine the wedding band to be sure it meets standards of Jewish law. In their presence, [Groom’s Name] places the ring on [Bride’s Name]’s index finger and formally declares her to be his betrothed. At that point, they are married according to Jewish law. The kesubah is read aloud, usually by a prominent rabbi or Torah scholar. [Groom’s Name] then gives it to [Bride’s Name] for safekeeping. A series of “Seven Blessings” is then recited. Among the most sentimental and beautiful blessings of the Jewish liturgy, they are unparalleled expressions of joy. Then, in a tradition at least 800 years old, [Groom’s Name] breaks a glass to symbolize that our joy is incomplete because of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem by the Romans nearly two thousand years ago. The ceremony is over. Accompanied by singing and dancing, Mr. and Mrs. [Groom’s Name] and [Bride’s Name] [Last Name] are escorted from the room.

Yichud-Seclusion:

For the first time as husband and wife, [Groom’s Name] and [Bride’s Name] retire briefly to a secluded room. At this time they share a light meal and prepare for the wedding celebration. Yichud is important; some rabbinic sources suggest that the marriage is not complete until the bride and groom have had the opportunity to be alone together.

The First Dance:

[Groom’s Name] and [Bride’s Name]’s entrance into the banquet room is greeted with joyous dancing and singing. In keeping with Jewish law, the men and women dance separately. The songs are in Hebrew, Aramaic, or a combination , but if you don’t know the words don’t be concerned, just join in the dancing. A few of the dances have formal “steps” but most do not, so you will be able to participate even if you’ve never tried before; spirit and enthusiasm should get you through. Entertaining the couple is an integral part of the celebration, and all guests are encouraged to join in.

The Dinner:

The dinner-interrupted by episodes of dancing-is sanctified from beginning to end. Before beginning the meal, guests rinse their hands at the washing stations and privately recite the blessings over the washing and the eating of the bread. The Grace at the end of the meal is recited together and has special additions in honor of the bride and groom. It is followed by recitation of the same Seven Blessings that had been recited under the chuppah.

The Bridal Week:

The bridal celebrations continue for the entire week following the wedding. Rather than sequestering themselves from the community by “escaping” on a honeymoon, [Groom’s Name] and [Bride’s Name] will start married life as part of the community. Friends and relatives will host dinners for them during the week-with the Seven Blessings repeated at each meal. Only at the end of this week will life begin to settle down to a more conventional routine. Even so, the bride and groom retain a special status in Jewish law akin to that of a queen and king for the entire first year.