I was wondering what role does virginity play in Judaism, and why, if it does at all, it plays such an important role?

The answer to your question depends on how you define “role??: does one’s lack of virginity automatically disqualify a woman from any form of participation in Halachic Judaism (as defined by Torah-law)? In a practical sense, the answer is, for the most part, “no.?? Aside from certain potential restrictions on marriage to a Jewish man who is a Kohen, absence of virginity stands as no impediment to acceptance and enjoyment of full Jewish rights and privileges.

However, you could also approach the issue, not from the perspective of law, but through the question “how might virginity prove a valuable asset in Torah growth??? And this goes to the very heart of the Jewish attitude towards marriage and personal growth.

What is the purpose of intimacy of various kinds between men and women? Why was it created? I strongly believe that God gave us this gift to enable the creation of strong, healthy and productive families. If a husband and wife have managed to create an emotional bond, then the comprehensive happiness and unity of purpose that ensues will usually extend to their children. If children are raised in a truly harmonious and peaceful home, they will exude health and will probably follow their parents’ direction (either way though, in the real world, it’s going to be bumpy – there’s no room for heavenly bliss on this earth – that’s for the other place). This is an environment where God’s Torah can be properly and successfully transmitted.

But if that harmony is too badly damaged or was never achieved in the first place, things will come so much harder. Marriage, as everyone knows, is an institution under a lot of pressure these days. Who wants to lower his chances of having a successful marriage?

What does all this have to do with virginity? Pre-marital relationships weaken adult marriages. I strongly believe that it’s no coincidence that the statistical success rates for marriages accelerated their decline at the same time as social barriers preventing casual, pre- and extra-marital intimacy came down. You can’t separate the physical from the emotional as every relationship you create changes you significantly. A married couple must form a firm emotional bond, but if this relationship is only one more out of a whole line of relationships, their chances are poor. It’s like Scotch Tape – it just doesn’t stick as well the second time, does it?

I hope this goes some distance to answer your question. If I can be of any help, Please let me know.

With regards,
Rabbi Boruch Clinton