I feel that pleasure is a sin and thus refrain from any kind of sexual activity, do not eat more than I have to, devote as much time as I can to intellectual matters, etc. The problem is that my family wishes me to eat more, to get more sleep, and to enjoy the physical side of life more… My family thinks I am distancing myself from them and am “losing myself.” Please help me.

I would agree with you that discipline is a key to any kind of spiritual success and that there are indeed times when inappropriate pleasures should be avoided – even at great personal cost. Sexual activity particularly, when one is not married, is something to be avoided with all one’s energy.

However, as Jews, our knowledge of what G-d expects of us is found in the Torah, so let’s take a look at a brief sampling of Torah sources for guidance.

The Chumash itself (Deut. 28; 47) lists, as one of the causes of national destruction –

“…(that) you didn’t serve the Lord, your G-d with joy and a good heart, (when you had) abundance.?? Clearly, we are meant to enjoy the abundance we’re given (with restraint and with balance, of course), and not enjoying it is considered a serious failure.

The Talmud (Brachos 43b) teaches of a blessing to be said each spring time when one sees a blossoming fruit tree for the first time:

“blessed are you, Lord our G-d, king of the world, Whose world lacks nothing and Who created in it good creations and good trees for people to enjoy.??

The brilliant and fundamental text, Mesilas Yesharim (by the 18th Century rabbi, Moshe Chaim Luzzato), deals with the issue. Here’s a translation of a brief selection from that chapter:

“If you delve deeper into the matter you will see that the world was created to serve man. However, (man) stands in a very delicate balance for if a person is drawn (too much) after things of this world and is (thus) distanced from his Creator, he will become corrupted and he will corrupt the world around him. But if he is strong and uses the world only as support for his Divine service, then he will become elevated and the world around him will ascend with him. For it is a tremendous ascent for all creations when they are used in service of a great and holy man…??

The Mesilas Yesharim then quotes from a Medrash:

“When the Holy One created the first man, He took him (Adam) and showed him all the trees of the garden and said to him “Look at My creations, how pleasant and praiseworthy they are. All that I created, I created for you. Give your attention so that you don’t destroy my world!??

The bottom line is that we were created with physical needs…and enjoyment was among them. We may, and indeed, must enjoy this wonderful world we’ve been given. The job of a conscientious individual, however, is to work tirelessly to ensure that he doesn’t take more than he should and that he isn’t corrupted by blind materialism.

It’s not easy, but a serious person can find the balance.

I wish you the greatest continued success in your growth.

With my best regards,
Rabbi Boruch Clinton