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Ask the Rabbi: answers from Project Genesis rabbis
Why do we put grass or earth on a tombstone?
The source seems to be the B’er Hetev on Orach Chayim 224:8, quoting Derashos MaHaRaSh: We pull up grass or a clod of earth and put it on the monument in honor of the dead in order to show that someone has visited the grave.
My Aunt was at the cemetery, a few days ago, and she put a stone on the grave of her friend, on behalf of the deceased’s wife and children who live out of town. The man that she was with, who is Orthodox, told her that this is not allowed. Please will you clarify whether it is allowed to place stones on graves, and if so can it be done on behalf of someone else.
Thank you for your question. It is certainly permitted to put stones on graves, and also as many as one would wish to place.
Take care,
Rabbi Aaron Tendler