“Why haven’t we made an apology yet for the terrible way that Ishmael and Hagar were treated.”
Not sure how to answer this one. Who are “we”? – I didn’t mistreat anyone, and neither did you. Nor are Ishmael and Hagar around to apologize to. I don’t think that moral responsibility works that way.
But, to deal with your question directly, Ishmael and Hagar were not treated terribly. Here’s my understanding of the story: Sarah (Sarai) had been trying to deal with a terribly painful problem with which, unfortunately, many are still familiar – childlessness. She chose a solution that was more common in that polygamous world than it would be today; she “brought a rival into her home”. A very hard thing for a woman to do, and really an act of great sacrifice. She wanted there to be a family, even if her own status in that family would inevitably be lessened. It didn’t work out well. “Hagar’s mistress was lowered in her eyes.” Hagar, seeing that she had a child and Sarai could not, began to push her mistress out. She felt that she would have Abraham’s primary affection. The child that was born, that should have been raised by Sarai as part of the family, instead became a weapon to hold over her. And when Sarah eventually did have her child, Ishmael continued in his mother’s footsteps, scorning and mocking the new child. All this was terribly painful to Abraham, as the verse says, but he would not have been able to break up his own family. That was a decision by G-d, that Israel would only contain half of Abraham’s descendents; the rest would have to grow up separately.
This story repeats itself with the children of Jacob, this time with (somewhat) more success. Jacob again ends up with two wives. Each of them also “brought her rival into her home”, with Bilhah and Zilpah. But in their cases the story worked out properly. The maidservants didn’t try to push out their mistresses, and the children were indeed raised by the whole family. We continue to this day to talk about the children from the “side of Rachel”, including Bilhah’s, and from the “side of Leah”, including Zilpah’s.
Of course, Jacob’s having two wives, Rachel and Leah, didn’t work out so well at all. It certainly wasn’t Jacob’s choice, was forced on him – but it caused terrible problems. Starting with the story of Joseph and his brothers, the difficulty and strife resulting continued through the destruction of the First Temple.
All the Best,
Michoel Reach