So… I have been dating this guy for over 14 months now, and I don’t know what to do. His parents don’t like me, they never have — not even the first time I met them. It felt so uncomfortable. I don’t want in-laws like those people — they’re just so unfriendly. We are supposed to be married already, but I don’t know what to do with his parents! Please, please help me, and give me some advice.
This issue with your potential in-laws might be more complex than you think. On the one hand, if you have given your relationship with them a real shot, and you find, when you really examine their behavior and your interaction with them, that they are genuinely dysfunctional, mean people, then your concerns about them are justified. At the same time, you aren’t marrying them; you are marrying their son. Is he mean and dysfunctional? How close is his relationship with them? Would you have to live near them? How often would you have to see them? Bear in mind that as a couple, you become your own family and can let in or keep out people who bring negativity into your lives. This becomes even more so when you have children.
On the other hand, is it possible that you have not put your best foot forward with them? Can you fix the situation? Don’t forget that they are probably nervous about the idea of their little boy becoming a man and–gulp!–getting married. Is this fueling their attitude?
It’s also really important that you talk about your concerns with your boyfriend. Open, honest communication is essential to a successful relationship, especially marriage. If you think this is the one, but there are some obstacles, consider seeing a premarital counselor together.
That’s a lot to think about, but you have to do it. Don’t forget to pray to God for clarity!
Looking forward to hearing good news from you.
All the best,
Tanchum Burton