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Ask the Rabbi: answers from Project Genesis rabbis
Can anyone recite the Kaddish?
The kaddish is supposed to be recited only in the presence of ten adult Jewish males. No one is forbidden to recite it, but the obligation of reciting Kaddish for a deceased Jew can only be fulfilled by a male Jew.
I live in an area where there is not a daily minyan. I am saying Kaddish for my father. Is there an online minyan that I can plug into so that I can say Kaddish in the virtual presence of 10 others? Who this be an acceptable way to create a minyan where no other exists? In the absence of such a minyan, how do I fulill the obligation to say Kaddish for my dad?
In order to fulfill the mitzvah of kaddish you do need to be in the
actual presence of ten live men. If this is not possible for you to do
personally, then the next best option is to arrange for someone else to
say kaddish for you in a yeshiva or shul where daily services are held.
If you like, we can help you with those arrangements. Even if you have
someone else say kaddish, you should make every effort, whenever
possible, to visit a community that does have a minyan so that you can
personally say kaddish for your father whenever you can.
However, there is something you definitely should do yourself that is of
even greater value. (And the value of kaddish is certainly very great.)
That is to study Torah in the merit of your father, of blessed memory.
If you set aside time every day to study Torah, it is, according to
Jewish tradition, a great merit to the deceased and brings about an
elevation of the soul. One idea for study is reading through the Torah
with a good translation and commentary. (The Stone Chumash published by
Artscroll is most widely recommended– great translation, great
commentary culled from traditional sources, nice typeset. You can order
it online from Artscroll.com. They have a great selection of other books
as well which are other good choices as texts for authentic Jewish
study). There are other ideas as well– there are great Jewish websites
that have a variety of excellent articles on all sorts of Jewish topics
which would provide excellent, fascinating study material. The top picks
are Torah.org, Aish.com, and 613.org. There is also an amazing program
called Partners in Torah that will match anyone, anywhere in the world,
with a study partner who will study with you on the phone at a time that
is convenient for you, free of charge, any topic in Judaism that you
choose. (You don’t even have to pay for the phone call.) You can call
1-(800) STUDY-4-2 for more information. So while your obligation to say
kaddish may need to be fulfilled through others, fortunately, making a
commitment to a regular schedule of daily Torah study (even fifteen
minutes a day is great) can be done anywhere in the world.
Can I only say Kaddish for my mother on her exact yahrtzeit day? What if the first time I can get a minyan is on the first Saturday after. Can I say the Kaddish then? What are the rules for this?
You should hire someone else to say Kaddish for your mother on her actual Yahrtzeit if you cannot find a minyan where you are. It is important that Kaddish be said for her on that day specifically. You could also say it for her yourself on a different day–in addition to this–if you’d like. (As an aside, it would be great if you could try to pull a minyan together to say Kaddish on the Yartzeit where you are, even if no regular minyan meets there. This would be an honor for your mother.)
You should also try to do some other special mitzvahs on the Yartzeit in memory of your mother, like learning Torah or giving tzedaka. Of course, it’s good to do that any other day of the year too.
May all the mitzvahs you do bring great aliya to the neshama of your mother ob”m.
Best wishes,
Shlomo Shulman