I am a 33 year old, single woman. I really want to find the right person and settle down. But it is taking time — a lot of time. I am having an extremely hard time staying calm and having faith that G-d will send me the right person at the right time. I am extremely insecure, so, even though I go out a lot, I am always afraid that I will ruin everything and will be alone forever. Also complicating things is the fact that I get physically involved on dates, and my emotions always end up entangled. I think I do this because the loneliness is so strong. Even though I have a lot of good friends and loving parents, it’s not enough. I live alone too.
I am trying to focus now on dating people that are only marriage material and to pray more, but the anxiety is sometimes so strong I feel like I might break down. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
Being single is a tremendous test. Being lonely is an even greater trial. I can hardly imagine doing anything but giving you a blessing that you should be able to stay strong and gain strength from your relationship with G-d, friends, and family. Physical relationships for fun are only going to tease your emotional system into thinking that there is a genuine connection. This results in a great deal of pain, which you will then attempt to dull by further physical connection. Try to cut into the cycle by celebrating the relationships I’ve mentioned.