My question to you is, do you think God punishes us for things we have done wrong in our past? The reason I asked is I have a 6 year old son with Angelman Syndrome. I have tried so hard to understand why something like this could happen to such a great little boy and to our family. No one could possibly understand how hard it is to raise a child with a disability unless you have been there yourself. But, I’m starting to feel so overwhelmed with him and our other children. Everyone will say to me how good I am doing but I feel as though I’m falling apart. I guess I’m looking for any kind of answers. I’ve just put my life in a survivor mode and ask God everyday for strength.
I have to admit that I had never heard of Angelman Syndrome before receiving your letter. A quick search on the Internet (Facts About Angelman Syndrome in particular) gave me all the basics and filled me with respect for the very elevated level of generosity of spirit you must possess to care for this boy. You’re providing a warm, loving home for a deserving soul.
There is a widely repeated story that the “Chazon Ishâ€? (Rabbi A.Y. Karelitz of Bnei Brak, Israel – died around 1953) would stand in respect for autistic children, claiming that they possessed pure souls, unsullied by malice or hatred. I would imagine that this would be at least as true of AS children.
Could this condition be explained as some sort of Divine punishment? I certainly can’t definitively rule out the possibility, but I would doubt it. We do believe that suffering can be used by God as a vehicle for instruction to inspire corrective behavior. However, that would be no more true of your situation than of a dozen setbacks I’ve “sufferedâ€? over the past two hours. I don’t think it would be fair to paint the totality of your complex life under the banner of “transgression.â€? And anyway: how likely does it seem that the cause for all the love and devotion your son has inspired should be some ugly sin?
For some related ideas that might be helpful, you might also want to see my on-line essays: A Just God and His Good World, The Big Questions, and Living With Pain (particularly towards the end of that last essay).
Beyond that, see this really intelligent application of the “we mortals can’t know G-d’s waysâ€? argument…but this time with the important twist: “but we do know enough to trust that whatever G-d does is for the best.â€?
I don’t know what your book-buying budget is, but there have been some wonderful books written (mostly about families with autistic children) from a Jewish perspective. One of the very best – and one which might allow you a glimpse of the long-term joys of living with such wonderful children – was called My Special Brother by Rena Schiff (published by CIS Publishers). [unfortunately I cannot find it online and it may be out of print – ed.].
Please tell me if there’s any way I can help make your task easier. I’m convinced that the work you’re doing is as important as that of anyone else on earth, but it certainly isn’t always pleasant and restful.
With my best wishes,
Rabbi Boruch Clinton