Lying for Peace

Question

Is one allowed to lie to avoid a fight with a spouse or to avoid speaking Loshan Hora (speaking negatively of others)?

Answer

Thank you for your questions. The answer to both of them is yes, it is permitted to lie for to maintain harmony or to avoid speaking Loshon Hara, which is really also for the sake of peace, since there is nothing more divisive than Loshon Hara.

We learn this out from the actions of G-d himself! The Talmud in Bava Metzia 87a teaches us that we find that G-d did not tell Abraham the complete truth when repeating to him Sarah’s reaction to the news that she would have a baby. Sara laughed to herself (Genesis 18:12) “… and my husband is old”, and when G-d repeated this to Abraham he said that she had said (ibid. 13) “…and I am old”.

Take care,
Rabbi Aaron Tendler

Follow-up question

Question

Can G-D really lie? Is is not a sin to do so? I’m sorry if this is a horrible question to ask…I mean for Him to break one of His ordinances would mean that He is not Holy. That He is not Perfect. My take on it is that He just excluded the part Sarah said about her husband Abraham so as to avoid unnecessary confrontation. I mean He did twist the words a bit, but the part of what Sarah said about herself (the part He decided to tell Abraham) still contained the basic message. Namely that she thought she was old and could not bear a child. Again, I apologize if this is a horrible question. I can not begin to understand how G-D could be a liar. A response would be greatly appreciated Rabbi.

Answer

The problem is that you consider one small lie to turn a person into a liar. Calling Gcd a “liar” is insulting. It refers to a level of immorality that we cannot associate with the Divine. However, we need to look differently at small changes in wording. These are not necessarily lies but, rather, deliberate confusion. A lie is defined as an untruth meant to hurt someone or to profit the one saying it. By reporting Sarah’s words as a reference to her own old age and not that of her husband, Gcd was not hurting anyone or profiting.

Consider a more radical departure from the truth: Samuel is told by Gcd to go to Bethlehem to anoint David. Samuel says that if Saul finds out about it he will have Samuel killed. Gcd tells Samuel to cover up his true motives for going to Bethlehem by taking a sacrifice (1 Samuel 16:2)

We see in a number of cases in the Bible that this kind of a lie is acceptable. You need to think about such untruths differently. Don’t think of all untruths as lies.

I hope this helps.