Women in the Home

Answer

First of all, both men and women are important in a Jewish home, as both are important in the community. However, the home is more of the woman’s sphere while the outside community is more of the man’s sphere. This has to do with both biology and with Torah. Actually it makes sense that the Torah’s rules would be in consonance with human nature, because the same G-d who made us also wrote the Torah — which has been called “a user’s manual” for human beings.

Women secrete a hormone when nursing — prolactin — that has the effect of causing them to bond intensely with their babies. A father’s love can come close, but can never be as intense as the love a mother feels for her newborn. From the day a baby is born, it is natural for the mother to want to be with her baby, and to yearn for the baby if circumstances force her to separate from the baby for long periods (for example, if economic necessity forces her to work outside her home). A man at work simply is not plagued by thoughts of home and does not yearn for his baby all day long the way a woman does.

I have seen many magazine articles helping working mothers get over their guilt and grief at having to leave their young children behind each day when they go to work. I have never seen such an article directed at working fathers. I think the reason is obvious.

So far I have discussed human nature — biology — but Jewish practice also comes into play. When you think of rituals that elevate a person’s life, you naturally think of going to the synagogue for a man — praying with a Minyan (quorum of 10 men) each day. Men also put on Tefillin each day. Women do not have these obligations (they do have an obligation to pray, but not as much, and not with a Minyan), because their responsibilities to their children and husbands come first. For the same reason, women are exempt from most time-bound commandments.

Are there commandments and rituals that particularly elevate a woman’s life in her home — comparable to those a man performs in the synagogue? Yes, there are. One obvious example, and symbol of what a woman brings to her home, is candle-lighting. The Talmud says the woman lights candles in order to bring peace into the home. Light is also a symbol of wisdom and of Torah. Another less obvious example, because it is so private, is the laws of “Taharas Hamishpacha” — family purity. These laws are kept by a woman in total privacy and confidence, with no one but herself (and her husband of course) knowing when she is going to the Mikva (ritual pool) and when she is to be reunited with her husband in a state of purity that constantly renews and refreshes their intimate relationship each month.

One other point about the woman’s special sphere of influence has to do with her status as a princess, the daughter of the King. There is a verse in Tehillim (Psalms) 45:14 which states, “Kol Kevudah Bas Melech Penima.” Although there are several ways to translate this verse, the most common understanding is “the honor of a king’s daughter is all within” — meaning, it is beneath the dignity and honor of a princess to be seen at all sorts of common and public places, where the common people can stare at her. It is befitting a princess to be in the palace and away from prying eyes.

This doesn’t mean that a Jewish woman can’t go to the supermarket or have a job! But it does mean that a Jewish woman has an innate sense of modesty and privacy and does not like to dress or behave in a way that draws coarse glances her way from the crowds. Once again, because modesty is such a valued principle for Jewish women, they tend to be more involved with the private sphere of life than with the public sphere.

–Toby Katz