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You Don’t Need to Convert

Answered by Rabbi Michael KatzFurther responses from Rabbi Doron Kornbluth

Question

I am not Jewish, but I have a strong yearning to be Jewish. My problem is that the man I love is also not Jewish and I feel I cannot give up my destiny with him. Is there a way to follow the Jewish Faith and continue my relationship? Thank you for your help.

Answer

I sympathize with your dilemma but you should know that you don’t need to be Jewish to be “saved.” The Torah provides for a Covenant with the descendants of Noah that is different from the Covenant with Israel at Sinai. This is known as the Seven Laws of the Children of Noah. You should look into this before making a decision. A book on the subject that I would recommend is The Rainbow Covenant by Michael Dallen.

Otherwise, I can only endorse what you already know. You cannot convert with the expectation of living in a forbidden union; Jew and non-Jew, besides for the problem of bringing up children in a confused household. G’d does not make mistakes. If you see your destiny with this Christian man then you are not meant to convert. Perhaps, down the road, he will come to accept the truth of Judaism and you can both, at that time, convert.

Follow-up question

Question

I read the question from the woman who feels drawn to convert, but her husband is not Jewish. I have a similar situation, but my husband IS Jewish, and I would joyously convert, but he has no interest in religion at all, while I read the parsha commentaries every week, and follow the Noahide laws.

After 7 years, he is no longer hostile to the idea of G-d, though zealots of any faith can send him backward into “anti-religion”. Do you have any advice as to what I can do to encourage the love of G-d – the joy he could have in discovery of his Jewishness?

Answer

Thanks for your question. I understand your dilemma – it is not uncommon. “Outsiders” – ie in this case non-Jews – sometimes appreciate something more than “insiders” – ie born Jews. Your dedication to G-d is praiseworthy and admirable.

People go through stages. Rebels lose their zeal, settle down and start looking for more. If your husband is starting to open up more, I would suggest trying to attend a Torah class together – there are a variety of Torah resources in your area. Also, find a Rabbi and get you and your husband to be invited over for Friday Night Dinner. Buy books on the subject that may appeal to him and read them, hoping he will to. Let him see how happy and appreciative you are of any step he takes. Don’t push. Women have tremendous influence over their husbands.

Finally, there is an organization called EternalJewishFamily.org that hosts seminars for people in your situation. It encourages and offers a full authentic conversion process, but both spouses need to be on board. It may be too early for you but maybe not. He should come to understand – on his own – that you really want to be a full Jew and that you can only do it if he takes steps as well.

Good Luck!
Doron Kornbluth