Encouraging a Brother with a Serious Illness

Answer

You and your family are facing a great challenge and you are to be applauded not only for having the courage to meet that challenge proactively, but also for doing so in a manner consistent with your Jewish roots.

Here are several sources appropriate for your situation. (I will do more research over Shabbos, but I wanted to send you a partial answer right away).

In Genesis 34:25, Shimon & Levi are specifically referred to as Dina’s brothers (to the exclusion of her ten other brothers who were present) because they were the ones who stepped forward to save her from Shechem. See Rashi’s commentary there: “…Dinah’s brothers…â€? “Since they risked their lives for her, they were called her brothers.-(from Midrash Rabba, Bereishis [Genesis] 80: 10)â€?

In the beginning of chapter 2 of Exodus, Moshe’s older sister, Miriam, is not referred to by name, but simply called ‘his (Moshe’s) sister’. She earns this title of emphasis (‘his sister’) because she was the one who encouraged her parents to have another child and she was also the one to watch him in the Nile and save his life.

In Exodus 2:11-12, Moshe is twice described as a brother of his fellow Jews because his left Pharaoh’s palace to help them in their heavy labors and risked his life to save one of his brothers from the hands of a cruel Egyptian slave driver. See commentary of Midrash Rabbah, Shemos (Exodus) 1:27. (I will translate that for you after Shabbos.)

In Exodus, beginning of Chapter 4, Moshe tries to refuse G-d’s request that he become the savior of the Jewish People because (as Rashi explains): “10) “neither from yesterday, etc.â€? “… All this [reluctance] was because he [Moses] did not want to accept a position higher than his brother Aaron, who was his senior and was a prophet…â€?â€?

This is also the reason why Aharon is always called ‘the brother of Moshe’ whenever he’s referred to in the Torah.

Take care,
Shlomo Shulman

Thank you so much for writing back to me. It really means a lot. My brother and I are extremely close. He was diagnosed with a rare form of Leukemia, and as you might imagine my life has changed drastically as a result.

I saw another Torah source you’ll be interested in. It’s from another great Jewish website: Aish.com.

I’m quoting from them (see full article):

“One of the most beautiful customs in Jewish life is for parents to bless their children at the start of the Friday night Shabbat meal. Girls receive the blessing: “May God make you like the matriarchs Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah.” Boys are blessed “to be like Ephraim and Menashe.” What happened to the patriarchs Abraham, Isaac and Jacob?! Why were Ephraim and Menashe chosen instead as the subjects of this important tradition? One explanation is that Ephraim and Menashe were the first set of Jewish brothers who did not fight. Abraham’s two sons – Isaac and Ishmael – could not get along, and their disagreements form the basis of the Arab-Israeli conflict to this day. Isaac’s two sons – Jacob and Esav – were so contentious that Esav repeatedly sought to kill Jacob and instructed his descendants to do the same. Even Jacob’s own sons stumbled when they sold their brother Joseph to slavery in Egypt! This explains why, when Jacob blessed the Ephraim and Menashe, he purposely switched his hands, blessing the younger Ephraim before the older Menashe. Jacob wished to emphasize there was no rivalry between these brothers. (see Genesis 48:13-14) It is with this thought that parents bless their children today. For there is no greater blessing than peace among siblings.â€?

I’ll keep looking for more sources for you. In the meantime, I know your family is doing the utmost to make sure your brother gets the best treatment available in the world, but I wanted to suggest some services from the national Jewish community that may be very helpful to you, but you may not have heard about. I strongly recommend that you check out this website: ChaiLifeline.org . Chai Lifeline is an amazing national organization that helps Jewish families deal with many aspects of caring for a critically ill Jewish child or young adult—all free of charge. They run a summer camp for critically ill youth, offer weekend retreats for families, referrals to top specialists and more. Perhaps most importantly, they get Jewish families going through similar crises together to share their experiences and give each other much needed support. There are several other Jewish organizations that help in these areas, like KidsKickingCancer.net. See cool news coverage about them here. I’d be happy to get you more information.

Wishing you, your brother and your entire family all the best, and sending our prayers too,

Shlomo Shulman

I’ve found some more interesting sources for you. This will be a little complicated to follow at the beginning, but it should all make sense in the end. Just put on your thinking cap…

See Numbers Chapter 12. Here is the one instance when Miriam judged Moshe unfavorably, speaking about him in a slightly derogatory manner (Lashon Hara) to their brother, Aharon. Consequently, both Miriam and Aharon were punished with Tzaraas—a spiritually induced condition that makes a person’s skin turn white. Aharon’s Tzaraas healed right away, but Miriam’s condition lingered.

Aharon then asked Moshe to pray to HaShem for her recovery: “Let her not be like the dead, which comes out of his mother’s womb with half his flesh consumed!”â€? (Numbers 12:12).

Rashi here explains this verse according to the Midrash (Rashi first quotes a phrase from the verse followed by his commentary on that phrase: “which comes out of his mother’s wombâ€?—‘It should have said, “our mother”? But Scripture euphemizes. Similarly, [it says,] “half his flesh.â€? It should have said, “half our flesh”? But [here too,] Scripture euphemizes. [The meaning here is:] For since she [Miriam] came out of our mother’s womb, [when Miriam is afflicted] it is to us as if half our flesh has been eaten away. This is similar to saying, “for he is our brother, our very fleshâ€? (Gen. 37: 27). Even according to the literal meaning of the text, it appears so. It is not proper for a brother to allow his sister to remain as if dead. Which comes out ‘Since he [the dead one] came out of the womb of the mother of the one who has the power to help him but does not, it is as if half his [the latter’s] flesh is eaten away, since his brother is his own flesh’.â€? [Sifrei Beha’alothecha 1:42:12, Tanchuma Tzav 13]â€?

(Translations of Torah and Rashi from Judaica Press Tanach.)

This Rashi may be a little hard to follow, but the 16th century mystic and sage, the Maharal, and others understand from here a very deep point.

Rashi sees the verse telling us that, in one sense, brothers and sisters are bonded together more closely than any other relationship, because they are all one flesh. Meaning: brothers and sisters share the distinction that they are the only people in the world who came from the exact same gene pool, which is, of course, their unique set of parents.

Contrast this relationship with spouses or even parents and children. As close as they are, a husband and wife are, of course, not genetically related. Even a parent and child only share half their nature in common, the other half coming from the other parent.

Judaism teaches that the physical world reflects the spiritual world. The close physical genetic relationship between siblings reflects the extremely close spiritual connection siblings share. Aharon was telling Moshe (above) that Miriam’s being sick was as if “halfâ€? of Moshe’s and Aharon’s bodies were sick as well, as Miriam was a part of them.

This is a very powerful and deep idea.

Based on this concept, the Maharal teaches that the Hebrew word for ‘brother’ (‘ach’, spelled alef cheit) comes from the Hebrew word for ‘one’ (‘echad’, spelled alef cheit dalet). It is similarly related to the Hebrew word ‘ichuy’ (alef cheit vav yud), which means ‘a connection’.

Shlomo Shulman