Lately, I have been given many trials of misfortune and I am not sure why–I have made some bad finacial decisions which resulted in drastic consequences. I’ve gone into debt, spending money on myself and helping my children, and now I have to consider selling my house! WHAT does G-d really want me to do–what is He trying to get me to see? What am I failing at mostly? I cannot turn to my family – out of shame. How do I best serve G-d through this? I know things could be worse —I still have so many things to be thankful for..Where in the Torah can I read for strength about this situation?
Almost anything you read in Torah will offer you guidance — for example, Pirkei Avos (Ethics of the Fathers) or Mishlei (Proverbs) — but more immediate and accessible inspiration and encouragement might come from almost any book by R’ Zelig Pliskin, R’ Yissachar Frand or R’ Avraham Twersky.There is no magic pill. You need specific legal and/or financial advice. The Torah specifically requires people to turn to physicians for medical problems and not to rely on prayer alone — not to rely on miracles. Similarly, in any area of life where professional expertise is necessary, we do not rely on miracles. Hashem will surely help you if you daven and put your faith in Him, but you still have to make your own efforts to improve your situation. (One practical thing I have heard of — there are non-profit counseling centers that help people negotiate with their creditors and make payment plans they can live with.)
The two parts of your solution are:
1. Take specific steps — baby steps — to improving your situation by getting whatever professional help and advice you can get, and following that advice.
2. Let go of your worry, depression and anxiety — negative feelings do not help. As it says in Tehillim (Psalms) — “Shelach al Hashem yehavcha” — “Cast your burden on Hashem and He will provide for you.” That is, get rid of the feeling of being burdened and weighed down — take whatever practical steps you can take, all the while knowing that Hashem has provided in His world sustenance for all His creatures.
I will add one more thing a wise teacher once said. We all have problems, suffering and hard times in life. Sometimes these are tests, sometimes punishment and atonement for our sins, or sometimes there is a silver lining down the road — for example, a person who is forced to sell her home may end up with better neighbors in an apartment building (not that I am saying you should sell — I don’t know your situation well enough). But of all the
hardships we can have — health, family problems, etc — financial problems are actually the best! My teacher said, if you are going to be tested with some kind of problem — and you have financial woes — you should say, “Thank G-d it’s a money problem!” After all, any of the other types of woes would have been even worse.
As for your kind heart in helping others — G-d will surely reward you, though you may not see the reward right away.
By the way, it is possible your parents may be able to help you. If some humiliation is part of the package, accept that — maybe it is what G-d wants from you right now. Remember that the reward for honoring parents is long life — the Torah says so — and accept whatever negativity your parents dish out with good grace, while thanking them wholeheartedly for whatever help they give you and your family. You yourself admit that you made some poor decisions, so if your parents help you while giving you a tongue-lashing — well, they will only be verbalizing what you yourself have been berating yourself with.
I wish you great success in whatever you do.