Dating before marriage

Question

How do Jewish people date? I heard that they have a kind of date without kissing or hugging what looks like a very cold relationship. Not that I support extra-marriage relationships..

Thank’s for now!

Answer

Orthodox Jews traditionally do not ‘date’ in the conventional sense. Matchmakers arrange for them to meet suitable people, and they meet a few times to decide whether they feel that they wish to get married. Only after they are married do they begin a physical relationship with hugging, kissing, etc.

Judaism believes that physical relations between husband and wife is one of the most holy acts, and therefore anything which could lead to a physical relationship before marriage is avoided, to retain the holiness until the right time.

I hope this answer helps

Regards
Rabbi David Sedley

Follow-up question

Question

I find it rather difficult to believe that all Orthodox Jewish marriages are arranged by matchmakers. In fact, I know of several couples in my congregation that met on their own. On the other hand, I understand that there are many halachic (Jewish Law) limitations on meeting with a person of the opposite sex. After seeing so many prohibitions, I wonder, is it permissible to meet by other means? If so, under what circumstances?

Answer

As you say, you have many friends who met on their own. This can be at a Shabbat table, through mutual friends, or at a Synagogue function. They may even just happen to be in the same place at the same time.

There is no prohibition in meeting women in any of these circumstances (or many others that I haven’t listed). However, for those who aren’t fortunate enough to meet their soul mate by direct hashgacha (Divine Providence), it is sometimes easier or better to meet through a matchmaker. This is more for convenience than for Halachic reasons.

Rabbi David Sedley