My line of work often deals with ultra-orthodox charities and Yeshivot. I was due to visit a charity trustee (an orthodox Jew) with a female colleague. I am aware, as a Jew, of modest dress considerations, and avoidance of physical contact, and that there may be even unease. However this trustee stated that he would not be in the presence even of a woman. This surprised me, although on further reflection I have come across this before myself in a personal situation. My department is keen to accommodate religious and cultural requirements, but has never come across such an explicit request before. I am keen to find out the basis for taking this precept so far, so that we can recognize it as a requirement when visiting such charities in the future, rather than being surprised or even (in the case of many of my colleagues) offended. Can you help?
I very much appreciate your taking the time to investigate this issue and not simply jumping to conclusions and “labeling.â€?
Your account brings to memory a story I once heard about two Torah greats from pre-war Europe. Rabbi Meir Shapiro (a Chassidic leader from Lublin, Poland) visited Rabbi Y.M. Kagan (of Radin, Poland – commonly known as “the Chofetz Chaimâ€?) in his home. Rabbi Kagan invited Rabbi Shapiro to stay for supper, but, when Rabbi Shapiro noticed his host’s wife sitting down with them he politely commented that “our custom is for the women to eat in a separate room when there are male guests.â€? The Chofetz Chaim gently replied “and our custom is for them to eat with us regardless.â€? Rabbi Shapiro respectfully got up to leave. Different traditions, but no friction and animosity (although I personally suspect each uttered a silent ‘Ha! Taught him a good lesson!’ when it was over :)).
There are indeed Orthodox Jews who try to avoid contact with women who are not their relatives and it is based on Numbers 15:39 (“do not stray after your heart or after your eyesâ€? – it’s part of the Shema). This, according to the Talmud and Halachic codes, contains an injunction against a man gazing at women (besides his wife) for personal pleasure. Most of us (following the tradition of Rabbi Kagan, above), go through our daily lives doing our best to maintain a proper discipline (attempting, for instance, to avoid unnecessarily provocative situations where immodest dress is predictable). Others, and particularly Chassidim, will try to build around themselves protective walls. The trustee you were to visit might well have been concerned about the manner of dress of any female visitors.
I can easily understand and respect the Chassidic approach, and expect that it is usually accompanied by a decent sensitivity for the feelings of all human beings so as not to destroy others in an uncontrolled zeal for personal perfection. There is no excuse for inconsiderate behavior not matter how religious its origin.
With my appreciation for your interest and my best wishes,
Rabbi Boruch Clinton