Do you have any information you could e-mail me about a “do-it-yourself” unveiling? I am an unaffiliated Jew and am planning for the unveiling of my father’s. I did attend an unveiling a couple of years ago that was conducted by the family and they had printed up a service themselves. My thanks in advance for any help that you can give me.
Thank you for your question. First of all, we must realize that although Jewish law requires that a monument be erected on a grave, there is no formal “ceremony” dictated by Jewish law to perform at that time. However, recently the custom has developed to have a unveiling gathering, but this is primarily a secular custom. I spoke to someone who often does unveilings and asked him how he usually runs his unveilings, and this is what he informed me. However, this is not “written in stone” (pardon the pun), and you may feel free to add or subtract based on what you prefer and is meaningful to you.
1. After all gather at the grave, one or more of the close relatives are invited up to actually unveil the stone.
2. The inscription is then read aloud, and its significance explained.
3. Psalms 16 and 23 are then read (either in Hebrew or in English). They can be read in unison by all present, or one person can read them for all.
4. If appropriate, a few words of eulogy should be said about the deceased, by one of the friends or relatives.
5. If there are 10 adult males present, Kaddish may be read. It can be found in the back of most Hebrew prayer books, in translation and transliteration. This should be read in the Hebrew original by one of the adult males.
6. The “Kel Moleh…” prayer for the deceased should then be recited. This can also be found in most Jewish prayer books.
“May you be comforted from the loss of your father among all of the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”
Take care,
Rabbi Aaron Tendler
Also see this post – Placing Stones on the Tombstone