I love G-d and am clear that G-d is in my life. We were discussing being Jewish and my daughter said we weren’t practicing Jews. We thought we were. We do not belong to a temple for five years. The kids have seen me pray every morning. I’ve always encouraged them to pray, and ask for the courage to serve G-d. We belonged to a temple when the kids were younger until we moved to an area where there was no temple. So our question to you: “What is a practicing Jew?”
Hi,
This is a great question and I want to compliment you on asking it. Most parents would have simply said that this is how our family practices Judaism and that would be that. You, on the other hand, recognize that there is more to Judaism than calling yourself Jewish. A person can call themselves Jewish and have practices that have nothing to do with Torah Judaism. Just because they are doing something that they enjoy doing doesn’t make it “Judaism.”
Judaism is a specific belief system that has a guidebook for following it called the Torah. The basic tenants of Judaism are that there is a God in the world who created the world. God also created mankind. It is of basic Jewish belief that a loving and giving God would never leave the world that He created or create it without giving His creations a way to connect with Him. Therefore, God gave the world law. He gave most of the world 7 categories of law and to the Jewish people He gave 613 categories of law. These categories are methods of connection. They are all pipelines to gaining a connection to the spiritual forces of the universe. I don’t mean to get all mystical on you, but a great Kabbalist named the Ramchal, Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzato, writes in his work entitled, Derech Hashem, The Way of God, that every time a Jew does a commandment he or she creates positive spiritual forces in the world. Every time he does something against the
Torah he or she creates demons, or negative spiritual forces in the world. Therefore, the real answer to the question of practicing Judaism is a very individual one.
To put the answer very precisely, ask yourself the following question. There are 613 commandments in the Torah. How many of them are you doing? Are you following the laws of Kashrut? Have you ever experienced a Sabbath with all of its beauty? How often do you learn Torah? Have you learned about the power of a marriage from a Torah perspective? A practicing Jew is a Jew who is constantly growing in their Judaism. With that said, I always teach that the Torah is not all or nothing. Every little commandment that a person does is priceless. Therefore, nobody should ever minimize what they do and say, “Well, we only do x,y, and z, so we are not so religious.” You have no idea the power of just lighting Shabbos candles every week. The spiritual power in even the “smallest” of commandments is endless.
To you and your husband I would say that you should learn Torah together on a weekly or daily basis. Pick a subject that interests you both and designate a time to learn together. I guarantee that it will improve your marriage as well. Additionally, examine how much Jewish practice is going on in the home. Having a feeling in your heart does not translate to action. There is a concept in the Talmud that says, “Devarim she’baleiv aino
Devarim.” That means that matters of the heart are not real matters. If you feel something, but that feeling is not expressed in your practice according to Torah, then the practice is not Judaism. It can become individual and personal, but not Torah Judaism.
There is a verse at the end of proverbs that says that sometimes the parents touch the heart of the children, but sometimes the children touch the heart of the parents and bring them back to the core of the religion. In your case I would suggest listening to your daughter. There is a reason why she is saying what she is saying. She is wiser than you may know. Regardless of what you think you are doing or expressing, if what she is perceiving is that your family is not practicing Judaism, then as far as she is concerned
you are not practicing Judaism. It is as plain as that. Talk with her and learn with your children as well. Depending on where you live there are great Torah institutions all over the country that can help with that endeavor. There is a great organization called Partners in Torah that will give you a personal teacher (man or woman) to have an hour a week with them on the phone – or in some communities in person. What an opportunity to learn together as a family! Whatever you decide to do keep learning. Remember, “The more I know, the more I know I don’t know.”
Rabbi Litt