I am a 55 year old spinster. I wish I could be more attached to my Jewish identity, but I’m having difficulty getting to know more Jews. It seems that all I can do is try to live an ethical life, and I can read about Jewish history and be an informed person. But that is the only way for me to connect with my Jewish identity in this situation.
You really need to check out an Orthodox shul (synagogue). You may feel that if you are not ready to embrace an Orthodox life, then you will not be welcome in an Orthodox shul, but that is simply not the case.It is true that for all Jews, religious or not, marriage is a desideratum. However, we do have numerous individuals of every age who are not married, whether because they have been widowed, divorced or never married. Precisely because many activities are gender-separated in Orthodox society, unpartnered individuals are MORE at ease in Orthodox synagogues than elsewhere.
Look at an Orthodox wedding. Circles of dancing women form on one side of the mechitza, circles of men on the other. People put out their hand to draw other people into the circle, paying no attention to whether the newcomers in the dance are old, over-weight, unfashionably dressed, or don’t know the steps at all!
I heard a great quote once: THERE ARE NO WALLFLOWERS AT AN ORTHODOX DANCE. You don’t need a partner! You don’t have to wait to be asked! You don’t have to be young or graceful or fashionably dressed! At an Orthodox wedding, if you want to dance — you just do it!
And that is pretty much true of all of Orthodox life. If you want to be included, just do it. You don’t have to be partnered to go to shul, to go to Torah classes, or to get involved in volunteer activities for the community. In most Orthodox shuls you will be welcomed if you just show up.
Caveat: Many New York shuls may be lacking in warmth. Nothing to do with your being single, or non-Orthodox. It’s just a New York thing. 🙁
But in Boston, say, you can go to the shul of the Bostoner Rebbe and find many women and men like yourself, with whom you can form friendships and feel part of a community.
–Toby Katz