I have heard that religious boys and girls do not talk to eachother or touch. Why not?
Your question goes to the heart of what human relationships, between two beings created in G-d’s image, are all about.One of our jobs in this world is to emulate G-d. The main way we do this is by being givers, because G-d is the ultimate giver. Conversely, we want to avoid becoming takers, because this is the opposite of emulating G-d. When we’re talking about giving and taking here, we mean these terms in the deepest sense. For example, a teenager has to take a lot from her parents and teachers. They provide her food and housing and clothes etc… But this isn’t bad. A teenager has no other means to procure these necessities and needs to take them from her parents in order to grow into a person who will one day be able to give to others in more profound way. So this kind of taking is really rooted in giving–in becoming a giver in the future.
On the other hand, there are people who seem to give to others, but they are really only doing so because they want something out of the other person. Someone may give you a gift or compliments and attention, but they’re really doing so because they want something in return. This external giving is really a form of taking.
As we said, G-d wants us to be givers. The nature of relationships between teenage boys and girls is unfortunately not altruistic. A girl can have another girlfriend and give to her in a way that truly emulates G-d’s attribute of giving. Likewise a boy to his male friend. But a boy and a girl, especially at this age, have ulterior motives in their relationships. They may sometimes be subconscious (though often they are very conscious).
Also, this may be a little difficult for some girls to see since girls are more giving by nature than boys so it could be that they are closer to being able to have a healthy relationship (from their end) with a boy than a boy would be with a girl (i.e. a relationship without ulterior motives). But even if girls are closer to this ideal, they are not there. Human nature was not designed that way. And G-d does not want us to have relationships with others where we are very likely to become takers and treat other people like objects instead of as human beings with a Divine soul.
Of course, on a more simple level, a platonic relationship between boys and girls is very liable to grow into a relationship that is not platonic. And even if the boy and girl exhibit tremendous self control and never touch one another, this will be very difficult for them and eventually cause them more pain than if they never began the platonic relationship in the first place.
This is the (relatively) short answer, but a fuller answer is really required. An amazing short book was written on this subject exactly for people your age. It’s funny and relevant and full of stories and examples. It’s called The Magic Touch, by Gila Manolson.
Take Care,
Rabbi Shlomo Shulman