Question: I am in a public high school and am known to be Jewish. One week ago, a boy in my year called me a ‘kike’, then ran away. I made plans to hit him in retaliation. Today, I had the opportunity. I prepared myself mentally, walked over to him, but found that I could not do this to another human being. My family supports me and my choice – especially, my older sister, says my empathy means that I made the civilized, religious and ‘Jewish’ choice – but I am still confused and angry, and having trouble dealing. What should I do? Is further payback a good idea?

Answer: Hello, While there might be a time and place in which violence can be appropriate, generally, we’re far better served through the kind of character quality that you seemed to have displayed. The Torah teaches us (in Pirkei Avos – Chapters of the Fathers): “Who is powerful? One who controls his impulse”. That would seem to be you. You’ve won a bigger victory and I would bet that your former tormentor realizes it.

Let me tell you a story about an older friend of mine. Soon after his liberation from the Bergen Belsen concentration camp in 1945, he was approached (interestingly enough) by an Australian officer who himself was apparently deeply moved by the suffering of the Jewish prisoners and the Nazis’ immense cruelty. The officer offered my friend his service revolver and told him “the German town is in that direction, go do what you have to do.”

The next day my friend returned to give back the gun. The Australian checked the magazine and found that no shots had been fired. My friend explained that every German he had approached was either “too young” or “too old” or “too something”. In short, he just couldn’t bring himself to kill another human being. This is a noble and heroic Jewish reaction.

To be sure there were survivors who did take revenge and it can’t be said that they’re wrong (and, of course, we must always fight to protect our own where necessary). But I can’t fault your response in the least.

With my very best wishes,
Rabbi Boruch Clinton