I am curious about the practice of placing stones on the gravestone of a deceased person. Would you please explain the origin and significance of this practice?

Hi, and thank you for your question. I assume that you are referring to the little stones left on the gravestone, and not the gravestone itself. The gravestone serves as a marker of where a person’s grave is, and as a memorial to that person. Regarding the little stones, it really is not clear where this custom came from. It is not recorded in any of the classical Jewish books before the past 2-300 years. It has definitely become a mark of respect for the deceased. However, I believe that the real source for this custom is a story that happened in Jerusalem, retold in Sefer Ha’Todaah (Book of Our Heritage) by Rabbi Eliyahu Kitov (under month of Nissan – pg.337 in first English volume):

“Rabbi Kalonymus Baal Haness, who is buried at the foot of the Mount of Olives… was instrumental in saving the Jews of Jerusalem from the effects of a blood libel. The Ishmaelites had killed one of their own children and thrown him by night into the courtyard of the synagogue in an attempt to destroy their enemies the Jews. Although it was Shabbat, Rabbi Kalonymus wrote one of the sacred names of G-d on a piece of parchment and placed this on the forehead of the murdered child. Immediately the latter stood up and pointed an accusing finger at the true murderer. But Rabbi Kalonymus passed judgement on himself for having desecrated the Shabbat and commanded that after his death whoever passed by his grave should throw a stone thereon. The people of Jerusalem carried out his wishes, and it became the custom that whoever passed there added a stone to the heap on his grave.”

According to this, placing a stone was originally not a mark of respect, rather it implies that the deceased is in need of atonement! However, it’s easy to see how it has become interpreted as a mark of respect, since the graves that are visited more often are the graves of the more righteous people, and they always seemed to have the most stones.

Rabbi Aaron Tendler