Project Genesis

Family and Relationships

Marriage and Dating

Why Get Married and When?

Question: Why should a woman get married? What makes a person feel ready to start looking for marriage.

Answer: You are asking a wonderful question! It is good that a woman’s life is full and fulfilling before she gets married and indeed the question of why and when to get married is often asked.

Truth be told, a fellow should be looking for a wife and, at least in theory, it is he who should be the ‘cause’ for both the why and the when. It is because he is seeking you out as his wife, at this time, and you are responding to his request that you join him as his wife. In such a scenario the answer to the question of why and when is because the person who is seeking me out as a wife is here, now! In that case there would be no reason for a woman to decide why and when. She is doing fine at home until one day she is asked to assume the new role as his wife.

However, that’s not quite the whole story and is certainly not the way it always works today. A woman must take a look at herself and decide that she has within her a capacity and a drive to be an ally to a man as he strives through the challenges of his life. Being a wife means being an ally, one who accompanies her husband on whatever journey Hashem has laid out for him. This is a capacity that some women feel before she gets married and for some it comes only after. In such a case the question of why and when is answered because I wish to activate my capacity as an ally. I am a companion looking for the situation in which my companionship is both needed and cherished. That can be now or at whatever point that my companionship is valued and sought. A woman prepares herself for marriage by seeing herself in this way until it becomes something of an urge or a craving to be an ally.

I’m sure that your question is better than my answer but I thought that perhaps these thoughts might help move you along.

With best wishes,
Rabbi Becker

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