Project Genesis




Mitzvos (Commandments)

Loving Yourself

Question: I have self-degrading tendencies. Is it a mitzvah or commandment to be nicer to myself, and can following the laws of Judaism help me with that? I know there are laws against cutting, sacrificing yourself, etc.

Answer: Thank you for your question. Unfortunately there are no simple answers to such difficulties. The Torah values and following the Torah lifestyle can have a tremendously positive impact on one’s self esteem. However, before I say anything further, I must advise you that if you have any extreme tendencies, such as cutting, which you mentioned, you should seek professional help immediately.

You are correct that the Torah instructs us to care for our bodies and we are not allowed to harm ourselves in any way; in fact, even tattoos are forbidden. We are supposed to be mindful that our bodies and souls are partners in actualizing our potential in this world. In that respect, even our bodies are involved in a holy purpose, and we must therefore take care of both appropriately.

So much for our physicality. What about our emotional and psychological experience? I suggest that we are obligated to love ourselves and to treat ourselves kindly, based on the commandment that we are to “love your friend as yourself” (Leviticus 19:17). The commandment is to love and treat our friends with dignity and respect, but doing so is only possible if we love ourselves and expect to be treated with dignity ourselves. A person who is not sensitive to their own dignity and self worth will not be able to recognize it in others. Therefore the Torah tells us to love our friends “as yourself” – you can only treat others properly with the fullness of who you are. The Torah takes for granted that without a basic love for oneself it is impossible to approach others with love.

I wish you well and please think about the above. If you do have any extreme impulses, make sure you address them now. You are still young and have a wonderful life ahead of you. Embrace yourself and the life G-d has given you.

All the best,
Rabbi Moshe Becker

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