My fathers family is Jewish, my mothers family is catholic and protestant. But Neither of my parents believe in organized religion. I had a Bris (Circumcision) and became a Bar-Mitzvah, but often I hear that I cannot be Jewish because my mother was not born a Jew. I think this to be such a primitive and close-minded way of thinking, especially when one considers how much personal interpretation goes into such an opinion.

I appreciate where you’re coming from and sympathize with your frustration. The reason for the confusion (my term) (or, you may prefer, difference of opinion) has to do with the definition of “Jewish”. Is Jewish a feeling? A set of practices? A social membership? What is it?

My definition: Jewish means that one has a spiritual-karmic link to the Torah that was instilled on the nation at Mt. Sinai. According to that Torah, this link can be acquired via two means: either it is passed from mother to child, or it is acquired by an adult who accepts the yoke of the mitzvos (commandments) in front of a Kosher Rabbinic court. According to classic Jewish sources, the rules have always been this way—and is found in writing from nearly a millenium ago. It’s not something that can be changed within the structure of Jewish tradition.

Thus, to feel Jewish isn’t enough to be Jewish. You or anyone else is free to come up with a new definition of “Jewish”, and many Jews may accept that new definition. That doesn’t mean, however, that all Jews must accept that new definition, any more than Major League baseball players would be expected to accept a new definition of a home run.

Suppose, for instance, some team decided that three bases made home runs too rare, and reduced the number to two. Maybe they even convinced other teams to use their new version of baseball. Does that mean that the old-fashioned 3-base baseball teams should feel compelled to play in the same league?

That’s essentially what you’re asking. Judaism – traditionally – is an exclusive club. There are dues to pay. It’s an open door, but you’ve got to pay those dues to join.

Organized or not organized, classic Judaism has maintained the same rules for thousands of years. Because of your father’s choice to marry a non-Jew, you have been placed in an uncomfortable position—in the middle of a dispute over definitions. I sympathize and extend my hand. I wish there were a magic wand to fix the problem, but those who believe that being Jewish means a spiritual reality with specific parameters are not able (and, honestly, not inclined) to “change our minds,” because we believe that this is what the Torah stipulates.

Hope this explanation is helpful.