I know the Torah says that Jewish people need to be forgiving, but how do you forgive? There is always a fear that this person may hurt you again, and by not forgiving you are creating a protective shield against this person. However, it is a lot easier to live when you forgive.

How can you forgive and not be afraid to be hurt again?

Thanks for asking this very difficult question. You are right, the Torah tells us to be forgiving. The Torah teaches us that we should be the “better person” and not to get involved in dispute. However, with that said, it is also important to point out that the Torah also commands us to protect ourselves from physical or mental harm. If you feel as though there is a relationship in your life that could potentially damage you (either physically or mentally), there is no commandment to try to continue such a relationship for the sake of “being the better person.” In that case, the better person will take care of his or herself first. After all, Rabbi Akiva teaches us that, “If I am not for myself who will be for me?”

With all that said, you are the one having to make this difficult choice. However, it is not an “either-or” decision. If someone has harmed you, then you can forgive their actions and at the same time choose to not let them influence your life in that way again. There is a major difference between giving forgiveness and being taken advantage of. You have the Torah obligation to protect yourself first. At the same time, you can just be more careful in the relationship and make sure that while you do not hold the person liable anymore for past wrongdoing, you will guarantee that it will never happen again.